Enough already. When I first heard that some nuts thought the Certification of Live Birth that I released on my campaign website was fake, I had to laugh. Then I started to wonder. Just how far would these so-called "birthers" go?
Yesterday, at approximately 9:37 AM EST, the astronauts at the International Space Station made contact with the long-lost Robinson Family on board the Jupiter II. Many years ago, the Robinson family blasted into space on the Jupiter II. Their goal: to colonize a distant planet in the Alpha Centauri star system four light years from Earth.
As part of my effort to push back on the misinformation about health insurance reform, I've launched a new White House Internet Advisory System. With the advice from the Department of Homeland Security, some websites and blogs will contain a color-coded banner that indicates their current threat level.
I was looking for ways to reduce the federal deficit by cutting expenses and increasing revenue. The oBay page is a great way to bring in extra cash by auctioning off selected historic White House memorabilia to the general public.
Thrilled by the overwhelming success of the "Cash for Clunkers" program, I began to think: How can we apply the same concept to health care?
As deputy White House spokesman Bill Burton said last week regarding my vacation at Martha's Vineyard, I need a vacation from my vacation. Let's face it. I had to work pretty hard last week.
Next Tuesday, I plan to deliver a televised back-to-school speech to the nation's students. If you are part of that special breed of Americans who get their news from Glenn Beck or from #TCOT tweets on Twitter, you are already aware of my secret plot to indoctrinate your children.
On Tuesday, I held a Q&A session with some schoolchildren in Virginia prior to the airing of my back-to-school address. On Wednesday, I addressed a joint session of Congress on health care reform. Now kids will be kids, so I fully expected some shout-outs or some sign-waving or even the occasional inappropriate chuckle. And I got it. Only not from the kids.
Six shows in two days may seem like a lot. There are some people in the media who are worried that I might become overexposed. Impossible. People just can't get enough of me. But what I'm most excited about is my cameo appearance on several upcoming TV shows this Fall season.
It's no secret how proud I am of my terrific smile. It's a natural gift that I like to take advantage of whenever I can. People see my smile and they know everything is going to be all right.
I've got to make sure I'm doing everything I can to bring the 2016 Olympics to Chicago. I'm flying to Copenhagen to personally make my pitch to the Olympic Committee. I have a great speech all rehearsed and ready to go. I'm even bringing Oprah.
Rats. I just found out that the International Olympic Committee announced today in Copenhagen that Chicago was not chosen as the site for the 2016 Olympics. I'm not taking it personally. However, this only reinforces my decision to pull missile defense out of Europe.
Lately I've been thinking about how I can raise revenues without raising taxes. There must be some way to leverage the power of the White House for the good of the nation. Then I read an article about product placement in movies. Perfect.
Wow, today I won the Nobel Peace prize. Obviously, the Nobel Selection Committee is in awe of me. Apparently, some Americans are in shock.
When I met the Pope last spring, I noticed something strange about the way he looked at me. His eyes, almost tearful, were full of wonder. Now I understand why.