Homeland Security News

DHS Secretary - Janet Napolitano, oops I meant Janet NapoliSoprano

Janet NapoliSoprano was sworn in on January 21, 2009 as the third Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security. NapoliSoprano has extensive experience interacting with federal, state, and local law enforcement.

Although somewhat vague on the details of her prior experience, NapoliSoprano promises to move DHS toward more of a family-style organization.

National ID

Ms. NapoliSoprano's most recent accomplishment has been the successful U.S. acquisition of the social-networking giant Facebook. When asked about this feat she was quoted as saying "Let's just say we pulled a few strings."

There is no question that a fully-implemented National ID program would make our homeland more secure. Facebook currently has over 250 million users. The vast majority of Facebook IDs are genuine. People tend to use their real names, photos, and personal information in their profiles.

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To make Facebook function as an effective National ID, every American will need an account. The Social Security Administration is in the process of matching names and social security numbers to already-registered users. By the end of 2012, all citizens assigned a social security number will require a corresponding account on Facebook.

The transformation of Facebook from social media to a National ID system is an enormous task. One key component of this task is to review all existing Facebook accounts to ensure they meet the DHS standard of accuracy and completeness.

DHS Secretary NapoliSoprano has recently created a new Facebook Investigation agency within the Department of Homeland Security to oversee this function. For more information, visit the Facebook Investigation website.



TSA News

One of the numerous agencies under DHS is the Transportation Security Administration (TSA). This agency is key to safeguarding our nation's transportation systems. TSA understands that threats to aviation security continue to evolve becoming more sophisticated and complex than ever before.

The suite of technology has grown considerably in the years since TSA took over airport security. Perhaps the most exciting development is the Millimeter Wave Passenger Imaging Technology. These high-tech full body scanners will eventually take the place of the walk-through metal detectors at airport checkpoints.

TSA Director Dante
TSA Director Walnuts

Secretary NapoliSoprano chose her close family associates Silvio Dante and Paulie Walnuts to head up the TSA during this important technological conversion.

Privacy activists expressed concern over the full body images generated by these scanners when snapshots from the pilot tests began appearing on bathroom walls in the Bada Bing, a "nightclub" formerly managed by Dante.

Secretary NapoliSoprano defended Dante saying the accusations were unfounded. The activists have disappeared and have not been heard from since.



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